For those times when I can't sleep

In the game of life, I've missed a load of metaphorical free throws.  Brick shots all over the place.  Wikipedia even defines me as a "bricklayer".  How lame am I for wikipedia-ing "brick shot"?  I wanted to make sure I've been pronouncing it correctly all these years.  It could've been break shot or brig shot.  I have poor hearing.  And I wanted this post to portray accuracy.

But one area where I hit the money every time is creativity.  I know what it's like to be weird.  I won spelling bees, played in the marching band, had knobby knees (where your knees are the fattest part of your leg).  I even had this metal rod contraption that sat ON TOP of my braces... it seriously made me look like a bulldog.  All this suffering has given me ample material with which to work.  During all my times of questioning meaning in life, we often need to pitstop at the eerie gas stations on the road of life.  Oftentimes, we discover more than just a sale on slim jims.  Below are some thoughts I have collected during those sleep-wake moments when right brain rules...

1. What if the blinking hand at the crosswalk has been gravely misunderstood?  What if, instead of telling us to halt from entering traffic, it was just trying to get five up top?  What rejection it must feel!

2. If I was a petri dish, I would get really squirmy about questions related to meaning in life.  People would always be scraping things on me.  And ultimately, my purpose is to allow nasty fungi and opportunistic bacteria to breed on me. 

3. Why are we ok with calling that which spins above our heads fan "blades"?  Is no one else concerned with conspiracy?

Waiting for inspiration

I refuse to write fluff.  Will return when inspiration comes.  Stand by.

God is proclaimed throughout Creation BY Creation

Each time I enter a different climate, looking at the landscape, it's cool to see the different ideas of our Designer.  There are a few destinations in particular that reel me in more than others.  For starters, anywhere with a cliff.  Something dangerous looking.  Yeah.  So it's no wonder Ohio and I are not on speaking terms.  But God even put beauty in places I wouldn't imagine.  Rows and rows [and rows] of corn can actually be charming :)

If I was given the pencil and paper to sketch the design of the universe, I would need more than a week.  I would need more than a lifetime. And I have this habit, when I'm sketching or painting, where I will get about 3/4 of the way through.  I love it.  Best work ever.  Then, I'll mess something up.  I'll draw a line too bold in a dark paint.  Or something to the same degree.  Then, I toss the canvas.  It's ruined.  Ruined.  (I can be dramatic too, I suppose).  I refuse to hang something on my wall with a big gaping mistake.

And creating it was just the beginning.  After two wardrobe malfunctions  (Adam and Eve) in the garden, God still allowed His workmanship to hang on His wall in His office.  I bet God's office is cool. 
1. Ergonomically sound desk chair. 
2. A bike lane available all the way to the office. 
3. A coffee pot that brews the equivalent of milk and honey (not something that tastes like some beach ugly's old cigarettes).
4. The most epic Pandora radio station..

Unlike me, God didn't mess up His masterpiece.  The masterpiece messed up His masterpiece.  But He still smooths out the crooked lines and paint drips and makes it beautiful again.  When his Son Jesus came to earth, that's what He was doing.  Pulling ugly paintings out of the trash and trying to put them back on His wall.  And He does it beautifully. 

John doesn't write further than a few verses into I John before he explains the procedure.  Christ came.  He did some sick-amazing things.  We all stood is awe.  Then, the next appropriate thing to do was write about it so others could stand in awe as well.  He can't help but proclaim the good news about God's desire to put us back out in the exhibition, all dazzling and REnewed.

Grace and Mercy

God is abounding in grace and mercy.  I am testament to this.  Well, we all are.  But let me be a little narcissistic as it is my website.

I'm a grad school student.  I just moved to Washington DC area.  And I am coming off a hot mess phase of life.   I always assume moving is a snap.  Then I move, and I remember why it is NOT in fact a snap.  Saying goodbye, quitting your job, moving, moving fees, finding a place, finding a roommate.  And then there's second semester starting too.  Everything must be rebuilt.  And this time around, I didn't believe I was doing such a great job at the transition.

I have been feeling so frustrated about what a horrible attention span I have lately.  I mean, yeah, it's funny to be called Short Bus and Windowlicker on the job.  But at the end of it all, this was getting frustrating.  Not the name-calling, but the constant flighty tendencies.  I was seriously beginning to believe I was aging (mentally) at a horribly fast pace.  Not a pleasant thought.

Working from home (and anywhere with wi-fi), it would seriously take me hours to focus in on my school texts.  I'm not going to lie.  The nerd in my was stoked to learn about Cytochrome P450 1A2, 3A4, skippitybop.. but toward the end of the semester, there were some courses that were kicking my.. aspirin.  Hard.  And truthfully, I KNOW I could have applied myself more.

So why did God still give me grace?  I'm ok with going through the ringer, but I'm extremely humbled when I think about how I don't deserve to be here.  And I am so thankful for that.

He is the Wonderful Counselor

"Let's talk about you, all about you."  I cannot think of many people in life who would not be inwardly thrilled to hear this.  Some may feel awkward momentarily.  But when they realize this statement was meant with no ill intent, they would probably ease up as well.

Fact is, it excites us when someone takes an interest in the happenings of our life.  When we realize someone wants to invest in us, it's a joyful feeling.  I don't know many people who would not benefit from 60 minutes on a therapist's couch (and that's not saying I think the world is crazy).  I just know the nature of man.  I will say this though, as a nurse, I have found that the most brilliant minds often have already been diagnosed with mental illness.  Their brilliance may never be realized with that in their medical history.

God desires to pour into each of our lives.  Commandments from God were not written down because He is a sadist.  Think about the 10 Commandments, the love commands (love God, love your neighbor), the command to be fruitful and multiply..  Hardly intended to ruin lives.  Yet why is this so offensive to so many?

I recently wrote a letter to the president of the ACLU.  It wasn't a piece of hate mail or anything like that.  I offered my congratulations on rising to such a high place and commended her for her courage.  And then I told her about God.  How God is a loving God, desiring to invest in our individual lives.  How the 10 Commandments were meant to keep the peace, not create a battleground.  I finished it with this: If the world could know all this about the nature of God, those words in the 10 Commandments wouldn't be so offensive.  Then, I offered my assistance if she needed anything from me (not that I am really in a position to help unless she needs help controlling her blood pressure or something!)

God is the ultimate 1:1 help.  He sits patiently and listen to our cries and holds His children.  And He doesn't stop there.  The humanist approach to psychiatry/psychology almost forbids giving "advice" to patients.  "How does that make you feel?"  God steps in because He knows His children need Him. We need an intervention, not just a good listener.  And He is able to be both.

He does this because He can.  And He does this because He loves us.  All of us.  He is outside of time; so He's not going to tell you that your time is up and to please schedule next week's appointment with the receptionist.  He is the Wonderful Counselor.. mighty God... everlasting Father..Prince of peace..  (Isaiah 9:6)

The Span of His hand is as vast as the universe.

Friends, this will be a succinct, laceless post today. My Internet refuses to work at the house (even though it has 5 bars); so I'm typing from my iPhone. I know, it's a rough life. Pardon my spelling errors today (and today only). I made a commitment to write about God's many attributes over the next 40 days in memory of His 40 days on earth after rolling away the stone (Great, now I have a Mumford and Sons song playing in my head).

But Internet woes aside, I have found God to be both logistical and timely. It's my blog; so I can write about 2 character traits if I want. I can write about 10 if I wanted.

Logistics. I can appreciate this one. Growing up, I was an imaginative little kid. My friend Steven, Emily and I once planned to tie a bunch of balloons on a chair and fly. Oh, to soar far above Woodbridge AFB, maybe even make it to Bentwaters down the road. We aimed high. Pun intended.

Never once did we consider the flight and wind patterns, the fact that 3 kids and a thousand helium balloons and a lawn chair might look a bit suspicious, how we would go to the bathroom, and how we would get down when it was lunch time. None of that mattered because we were Ballers. We needed a logistical mind to come in, to make sure all those deets were covered.

Thank God that I don't run the world. I'd eff it up pretty quickly. God gives us a purpose and a path. Instinctively, I'm gonna look down and see a rickety rope bridge, and tell God, "Yeah right."  But He's got all that covered. As The Span of His hand is as vast as the universe, He can surely catch my lanky self IF the ropes break. Plus, He's already walked the path; so He knows where the road narrows, when the weather is going to get turbulent, and when I'm going to take pit stops to buy my slim jims and cheese puffs. He's made the way, and He will see us through to the end.

Finally, God is a timely God. I had it in my head that a particular situation was supposed to happen in a particular sequence. I had a strategic plan, and I sure didn't need God to mess that up. But thanks that He did. He started giving me a hard time from Monday night. Stripping away each brick I had laid. Then, He put a chapter in the Bible in it's place. Or a friend's advice. Or a little chat with Daddy Ren. We don't have lengthy heart to hearts often. We have an unspoken bond more often. But God knew I needed a word. Good thing He knew. All this to say, my plan for success was another lawn chair situation, in need of a side cooler and an outhouse attached. But He knew I wouldn't listen to logic all at once. That would be silly. So over the course of a week, He has cleared plan A, and replaced it with Plan "Awesome".

My God, You're Beautiful

Immediately, as I thought of the title of this post, I was reminded of my mom's obsession with Keith Green when I was a kid.  She had his records (yes), tapes, and CDs playing all throughout the house.  Until my sister Emily broke the needle on the record player.

But Mama Renshaw's quirks aside, God really is beautiful.  We see glimpses of it in nature, ideas, people, miracles.  I'm a miracle myself (but that story, another time).

Today's post cites my college roommate Jessie.  An genuine example of God's beauty displayed.  She was such an open vessel, willing to be used by God.  It manifested in her writing, her deep friendships, her generosity, and her many artforms (dance, painting, writing).  We are all blessed by her willingness to share vulnerable thoughts and writing with the world.

This summer, Jessie is on her way to Italy to serve in a dance ministry.  Italy - the hub of such art movements as the Renaissance and modern fashion.  (side note: she is still needing support, so please give to her cause!)

When I think of the beauty of dance, the first partystarter, King David comes to mind.  Coming home from battle, he's swinging his arms in the air.  I imagine he probably did a running-man ALMOST as good as my own.  Royal garments rockin' all around.  Completely undignified, but God liked it anyway.  God doesn't require us all to dance in pirouettes and pas de bourree to put a smile on His face.  And it was God alone who David desired to please.

Not even David's first wifey Michal would stand between David and his first love.  Lesson to the wise, don't make fun of your husbands dance moves lest ye be punished by God Himself..

For the non-KSV story of David's Ultimate Dance Party Royale, see II Samuel 6